We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
