suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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