I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
