I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize