he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
