i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
