i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
