i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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