WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
