sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
