so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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