Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
