Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
