How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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