from now on my penis is your penis
I am spending my child support on dildos
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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