I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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