I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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