I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
