i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
