Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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