Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
