So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
