why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
