so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
