I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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