I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
