fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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