After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
