I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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