tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
drinking out of a sandbucket again
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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