woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
