Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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