he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
