because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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