Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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