I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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