i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
