should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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