after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
