Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
