Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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