Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize