I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
