Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
