Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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