Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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