I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
