Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
