Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize