look no pants
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
