I'm so fucking centered right now
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
