oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize