Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
