Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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