Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Just invented taco cereal.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
