how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
