just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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