just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
