dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
