Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
