Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
