I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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