need another drink. this is the easiest way
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
