She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
