Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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