Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Only a mothe r could love this liver
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
