Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
