My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
