this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm too high and old for this...
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
