you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
