WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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