She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Houston, we have a blender
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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