i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize