dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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