I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Randomize
