WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
