Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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